So you say to yourself, but I'm very shy. I'm afraid to network, or I'm afraid of job hunting, or I'm afraid to go to college because I was never smart, or I don't know how to run my own small business. The good news is that you're normal. Those are normal feelings...to be afraid of doing something new, to be afraid of being told no, to be afraid of failing. The even better news is that there some simple ways to overcome your fears and do what's needed to move your life and career forward.
The first step is to start overcoming your fears. You can't think outside the box to make your career dreams real if you have psychological barriers holding you back. Take some time to think about it. What are you afraid of? Is it your own fears or the fears of someone close to you holding you back from taking that next step? Or maybe it's not fear but anger at the past that holds you back. If you can name it, you can challenge that specific fear or anger and work on it until you overcome it. There is more good news. Emotions like fear and anger are just thoughts, and you don't have to listen to your thoughts. Let me say that again: You don't have to listen to your thoughts. They don't have to control you. You can create new thoughts that will get you where you want to go.
You can choose to think or to believe something more positive than your fears. For example, have you ever approached a cliff where you wanted to get to the edge to see the view, and you thought, "If I get too close, I might go over!", but you carefully inched your way near to the edge anyway and enjoyed the view? Well, (a) you didn't listen to that scared thought, and (b) you're still here reading this post, so it looks like you didn't die. Instead, you succeeded! You challenged that thought and did what you really wanted to do. You enjoyed that view from up high. In the same way, you can beat the thoughts and fears that hold you back and rise up higher.
So what do you do to beat the fears? The first thing is to recognize exactly what they are and counteract them. Let's say you think you are not smart enough. Is that really true? Haven't you been learning new things all your life? You're reading this, so obviously you learned to read. You learned how to dress yourself, how to ride a bike or drive a car, how to do each of the jobs you've held. So really, the idea that you're not smart enough is a lie, isn't it? Next time that thought comes to you, just let it go and remind yourself that you've learned a lot of things, and you will continue learning until you achieve your dream.
The second thing is to find others who can help you. If at all possible, don't tackle job hunting or college or any new enterprise alone. Enlist others to support you. Do you have a friend who might be willing to drive you around while you turn in job applications? A friend who will go with you to that first visit to the college campus to find out about financial aid and registering for classes? Tell him or her that you're not sure you can do it alone and ask that person to go along. Do you know someone who runs a business, or do you know about an agency that helps small businesses get started? Ask them to help. Do you know someone who went to college and could give you advice about how to get through? Ask for help. And finally, if you are a person of faith, go to God and ask for help and guidance.
An amazing thing happens as we involve others in our search to find and fulfill our career dream. Suddenly we don't feel alone because we aren't alone. We have a "wingman" to give us strength. It sounds sexist, but this military aviation term offers a great analogy. When fighter pilots head into harm's way, they go in pairs so that if one gets into trouble, the other pilot, the wingman, can fight back to protect his friend. In the same way, Jesus sent out his disciples in pairs to tell people the good news about God's love for them so that if others came along who intended them harm, they could defend and draw strength from each other. Do your best to join up with somebody who can help you go at least part of the way to your destination, and as you go and begin to gain confidence and strength, look for someone else whom you can help in the same way.
At this point, let me share a profound secret of the universe. When we confidently envision and pursue our dreams, and when we band together with others to make our mutual dreams happen, a strange thing occurs. Reality brings us amazing "coincidence" after amazing "coincidence" to help us move forward. We make connection after connection with the right people and the right circumstances to get us where we want to go. Being a Christian, I believe this is God acting on our behalf. When we clarify for God what we want to do by having a clear and confident vision (as long as it's really good for us and others) God helps by making all the arrangements so we can get there. Even when we seem to be taking a detour, it all eventually works out to take us to the right destination. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in God. It is still an astonishing truth that the universe is ordered in such a way as to partner with you to get you to the place where you are supposed to be. I can't explain it; I just know from years of observation that life works this way.
Your part of the partnership is simply to get out and network with people who can help you advance your dream. Your job is to get out into the world and take action together with others, no matter how clumsily you do it at first. The more you do so, and the more people you get to know, the more "coincidences" can occur to move you forward. You don't have to be Prince or Princess Charming, the suave and sophisticated life of the party. Just go to meetings consistently and be as friendly as you are able, and people will get to know you. As they do so and learn what your dream is, you will be surprised how many of them will want to support you.
So find your wingman and pick a meeting or two to attend, whether it's a meeting at the career center for job seekers, a meeting at college for women returning to school, a chamber of commerce meeting in your town, or a support group of some kind at church. Once in the group, volunteer to help with the group or help others as a way of doing something constructive and getting to know people. Bring your dream and a positive attitude with you, and just do your best without worrying about any awkwardness in the beginning. Just do it, and you will be amazed at the progress you will make, both in overcoming your shyness and your fear, and in achieving your dream.
Chuck
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